Ready to overcome your addiction? Just try this twelve step process.
With apologies to Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm not trying to ridicule 12 Step Programs here.
Step 1. We admitted that we were powerless to resist the pull of the Maryland Renaissance Festival and that our lives revolved around the weekend pilgrimage to Crownsville.
Step 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves is not automatically invested with Divine Right just because he looks really cool as Henry VIII.
Step 3. Made a decision to turn our weekends over to the care of our apartments, pets, SOs, and/or whatever else had been neglected for the weeks that the fest was running.
Step 4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of our closet for clothing which is non-garb related and promised to wear it--on occasion.
Step 5. Admitted to alt.fairs.renaissance, to ourselves, and to another human being, like, say.... Regan, the exact nature of our addiction.
Step 6. Were entirely ready to remove our quirks of character, such as the Good Enough Faire Accent and penchant for turkey legs, for normal, daily life, whatever that is.
Step 7. Humbly asked fest performers to remove our forthcoming pay so that we might enjoy the music of the Pyrates Royale or the sweatshirts of Johnny Fox throughout the off-season.
Step 8. Made a list of the names of all persons whose company we had enjoyed at the fest, and became willing to admit that faire names don't count as real names.
Step 9. Made direct amends to any of the above people whom we've offended through e-mail and phone conversations, improving our contact with people we've met at the fest, remembering for all in person meetings to wear name tags. You ever noticed how different people look when they're not in, for example, crushed velvet or a bodice?
Step 10. Continued to take inventory and when we were tempted to order more garb, restrained ourselves, sustaining ourselves by futilely searching our local beverage stores for meade.
Step 11. Sought through e-mail to converse with others in similar predicaments, wishing only for the knowledge that we are not alone.
Step 12. Having had an awakening as a result of these steps, we promised to carry this message to various faires where others are also addicted. Thus, in our role as missionaries, we get to experience other faires, which whet our palettes for more Shakespeare, swashbuckling, and suicide chocolate cake when the fall rolls around again.